Chapter Four: Oh Heck!!

FOUR

The inner chamber, home of Hades, the great God of the underworld, looked like it could use a maid. Clothes were strewn about, and half-eaten pieces of pizza littered the area as well. I did a double take as I noticed what looked like hunks of dot-matrix era computer paper wadded up into balls as high as the very tall ceiling of the area. Then I saw giant servers with blinking lights lining the walls to either side, stretching on for what seemed like miles in either direction.

"Where the hell are we?" I asked Bob as I took it all in.

"The Center of the Earth," he explained. "This is the place that runs it all."

"You mean to say the whole world is run by computers?"

"Well, yeah, Hades decided to join the information age," Bob told her. "Believe me, the place looks much better since he got rid of all the papyrus and quills, not to mention the cost of the blood he was using to write it all down. Astronomical overhead, let me tell you."

"So, where is the Big Guy?" I asked.

"The Big Cheese," Pecos corrected her as he rolled past.

"Oh, I didn't realize there was a law about what to call him," I snorted.

"Actually, there is, Lily," said a voice from behind us. We all turned to see a huge desk that hadn't been there before situated in the middle of the corridor. On top of it was a really big monitor that looked like it came from the nineties, and completely hid the face of the person who was speaking.

"Hello, Hades?" I asked nervously as I moved forward to peer around to the other side.

A large rat sat in an office chair. He was typing something in on a rickety old keyboard and chewing on a hunk of cheese that protruded from his mouth somewhat like a cigar.

"At your service," he answered with a nod of his head. "How do you like my current look? Is it too much? I can look pretty much like anything I want, and I was in a retro sort of a mood, so—"

"You're a giant rodent with a cheese cigar, how do you think you look?" I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I suppose that's a typically human response," he commented dryly. "So, what seems to be the problem?"

"Your vortex sucked me to hell and I was wondering if I might be able to get back to where I belong?"

"So you want me to send you where you belong?" he clarified, glancing over at her companions. "Say, Bob, weren't you just in here the other day? I thought I gave you your wish for the century."

"Yes, sir," he said, blushing. The rat looked back at me with an unreadable expression. "Tell me exactly what you want me to do, little lady, you only get one wish and that's the one you'll have to live with."

"Well, I suppose you ought to send me back up top," I said, though even as I said it I realized it wasn't quite what I wished for, to tell the truth. I'd grown fond of the place, I suppose, and most especially of the demon who had taken time out of his day to help me out. I really did wish I could know him better.

"Very well, then," he said. "Take this coin, and head on over to the ferry. You shouldn't have any trouble getting aboard to go that way, it's mostly full coming back."

"Um, thanks," I answered as he plunked the thing in my hand and turned away to help the other two creatures who had come along with us.

"Miss Lily, look," said the dragon proudly as he held up his decree. "All signed and everything."

"Great," I said with a smile. Pecos didn't say a word, just used his new hands to give me two thumbs up before he rolled away.

"So, Bob, how did that wish of yours turn out?" asked Hades curiously as he glanced back at his monitor. "Damn, there's another bug in the system! Hold on." We watched as the rat scurried about opening server faces until he opened one in which a huge cockroach had taken up residence. "Get outta there!" he said, yanking the creature by one of its limbs and shoving it away.

"Sir," Bob said. "I think we'll need to discuss that matter in private."

"Oh, I see," he said, smirking. "Very well, then. Lily, run along dear, I'm a busy rodent. Bob will be along shortly to see you off."

I stepped into the portal that opened in front of me and found myself standing by the river. A skeleton boatman was leaning casually on an oar like it was a walking stick and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Hell, I sure could use some of that coffee," I told him with a grin.

"No problem," he said, and poured some out of his thermos into a cup and gave it to me.

I drank it down greedily, and said, "Thanks."

"You ready to leave, then?" he inquired.

"Oh, I—I was hoping to see my friend again before I go."

"You should never look back while you're leaving this place, and I wouldn't go around using that word so much if I were you."

"All right, then take me back," I said on a sigh. My heart was heavy, but I refused to allow myself to look back as he rowed me back to the upper realm.

"You're sure you want to go?" he asked as I stepped off. "You seem awfully sad about it."

"I'm here now, aren't I?" I said with a sigh. "Thanks for the ride."

"Be seeing you," he said with a toothy grin, and continued on up the river to pick up his next load of customers.

I stepped up to a door and walked out, and looked eye to eye with my father as he stood gazing into the bathroom with a dumbfounded look.

"What's the matter with you, Dad? I better get to work," I said, stepping past him. I got dressed and headed out the door, and found my boyfriend waiting for me.

"I need my shirt back," he said grumpily. "And by the way, I'm sick of climbing in and out your window. When are you going to just tell your parents to back off? You're old enough to make up your own mind, you know."

A huge bolt of lightning came down and zapped him, leaving nothing but a smoldering burn mark where he'd just been standing. With a shocked expression, I looked around in wonder and saw Bob sitting on the curb, looking winded.

"See, I told you, not nearly as easy," he commented as he rubbed his smoking hand.

"What the hell did you do that for?" I demanded as I looked over my shoulder at the mess he'd made.

"Oh, well, you know how everybody else got their wish but me today?" he asked casually as he took my hand in his. "The Big Cheese gave me what I wanted, too."

"And what might that have been?" I asked him as he wrapped me into his arms and transformed into the most gorgeous specimen of human maleness I'd ever seen.

"I get to come up here, too," he said with a grin. "I figured, you weren't having much fun with that bloke anyway, so what the hell?"

Bob the Demon has got to be one of the hottest kissers this world has ever seen.

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